But I Am Scared
by Avalonmists
Summary: Henry's found a letter Regina's written to him while on Hook's ship.


**But I am scared**

He looked at the body at his feet. This one would never hurt his family again. But it was too late anyway. The dagger felt lighter in his hand, something was changing. He could hear the screams of panic around him but it didn't matter anymore. He reached to the inner pocket of his jacket. The letter was still there. This unfinished letter was the last one he would ever get from her. He was never supposed to receive it to begin with. This wasn't fair. But as the minutes went by, he began to feel that it was not important whether things were fair or not. He took the piece of paper and read the letter again, to help him holding a grip on what was important.

"_Dear Henry,_

_It's been weeks now that you got kidnapped. _

_This is the worst thing that ever happened to me since I cast this curse that brought me to Storybrooke. I thought I knew it all about pain and loss, especially after Mother died, but when I saw you gone through this portal, my heart broke into pieces. Even you hating me for being the Evil Queen of your book was less painful. Even when you brought Miss Swan from Boston and shared your love with her, I didn't feel this void in my heart. I will find you Henry, with or without help, I will get to you and we will be reunited again. I am willing to share you with Miss Swan if this is what you want, If you want her as your mother in your life, I will accept her. _

_For now, I have to bear with life on this ship, and, hanging on those ropes while it's sailing, I live for one goal : finding you. But I am scared. Because I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself and be as good as you want me to be. When everybody sleeps at night, I get on the deck and, staring at this foreign constellation, I wonder if you can see it too. I wonder if you are safe, if they treat you well those idiots. Are you being held prisoner in a dark and filthy cave ? Are they feeding you ? Are they hurting you ? I cannot think of what might be happening to you, it drives me mad. But I am scared. Because I don't know if I'll be able to let them live. All of those who will get on my way. Greg and Tamara, first. I want to rip them to shreds, I want to break them like porcelain, I want to hurt them so bad. This flame of hatred that's consuming me scares me much more than anything._

_I will do anything to get you back, Henry. I left in such a hurry, boarding on this ship without thinking further, my veins boiling with rage. It might be a good thing that I'm not alone on this quest. Miss Swan, Emma, has proven magical, and I think I can help her using her magic, we will be strong together, and we need all the strength in the world. **I** need all the strength in the world if I don't want to collapse. I know I promised you I wouldn't use magic anymore, but you saw in the mines I could use my magic for good things. And rescuing you is a good thing Henry. Plus we are in a realm with magic, I have to fight on equal level, I have to use all my power. And my magic is my power, this Neverland is a dangerous place, if I want to get you back, I have to protect myself. At any price._

_I try not to think of you and our life in Storybrooke, because all I can think of are these little nothings that break my heart. Like how you insisted when you were 4-year-old on having French toast for breakfast because you were too big of a boy to have cereals now, it didn't last though. Or how you didn't fit in those pajamas you got for Christmas when you were 6-year-old, but they had your favourite comic book character on it, and you were running around the house in those big pants, imagining all the adventures you had with your hero. I used to be one of your heroes at that time and I want to be one again. _

_Oddly enough, there's a gramophone on this ship, and sometimes I can hear Hook playing it. The melody is extremely sad, I don't know why this idiot plays such music, the last thing I need now is the entire "crew" falling into depression. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who really cares about you, who's really ready to fight for you. Snow White and Charming are prostrated in the bunk, because of fear, or because of guilt ? Are they going to throw in the towel ? Now's not the time to blame them, but you were under their watch, and they lost you. I don't trust Rumpelstilskin because I can't explain why he came to help us. Something's wrong with him, this is not news, but he's got his own agenda and I cannot think of that right now. Eventually, the only person I can rely on is going to be your birth mother. And I don't know what to do with that. It's not like our relationship is all cookie and tea parties but she's my best shot. We saved Storybrooke together, we will save you together._

_But I am scared, Henry. Because if we don't find you, or if… I don't even want to think about something worse, I don't know what will l do. I know myself too well, I never learn from my mistakes and if I lose you for good, there will be no place on this realm or any other where your kidnappers be safe, there will be nobody to stop me and my wrath will find no end, I shall destroy the entire world._

_Henry I know you'll never get this letter, actually, I don't want you to because we'll"_

She didn't destroy the entire world. She saved him instead. She saved all of them. But he couldn't save her. She'd been tricked. By a member of his own family. The blood of this man was running in his own veins and he couldn't bear it. The change he was feeling in him made his anger grow, he felt an insatiable rage spreading in his body, reaching every atom of his cells. He wasn't 11 anymore, he was feeling the power overwhelming him. A thousand of years of knowledge was pouring into him, opening him to levels he would have never known they exist. All magic comes with a price, she used to say. He looked at Emma, his only mother left while the dagger was replacing Rumpelstilskin's name by his own. Henry. What he saw in her eyes was so painful for the little boy that still remained in him thus vanishing rapidly to let the other one take his place. She wasn't scared, she wasn't pitiful. She was just loving him and she was aware that he was lost to her, as was Regina for all of them.

He was the Dark One now. He could feel the power growing and growing deep inside of him. Nothing would be the same anymore.

And he shall destroy the entire world.


End file.
